today Ozzy said, “I’ll never do it again.”
What happens in Lake George, stays in Lake George. But man, that bitch, Cassie, she sure could dance.
Comments (1) RSS - Posted on November 29, 2007
Monthly Archive November, 2007
today Ozzy made a friend…
…so last night, I went back to Staten Island to visit the family. I was helping my sister go through some things of hers from early childhood. She had over 30 monkeys, gorillas, red-assed, baboons, etc…. but when I came upon this furry guy, Magilla, with his Abominable Snow Man eyes and teeth, it had Ozzy written all over him. So I stuffed this gargantuan, sized baby gorilla into a plastic shopping bag, and I commuted back to the city.
I got some crazy looks on the Staten Island Ferry. With his giant, gorilla arms hanging over the outside of the bag. They must’ve thought I was smuggling King Kong’s little nephew into the Big Apple.
But it was all worth it. When Ozzy first set eyes on him, it was love at first sight. He bit him in the neck. He swung him around, and he ripped off his belly button.
Ahh, to be in love.
Comments (0) RSS - Posted on
Today Ozzy took a bath…
Yesterday, Ozzy took a bath. I threw all 110lbs of him in the tub with me. He hates going in there, so I have to lure him in with bacon treats.
“Come here, Ozzy. Come here boy. You want a treat, a booga, booga, booga.”
When I finally got the big lug in the tub, I realized I didn’t have any doggie shampoo left, so I did the next best thing. Johnson and Johnson baby shampoo. No more tears.
Unfortunately we ran out of that before I did his underarms, his butt and his ears. Yeah, his butt. Shit, what was I going to do? I spotted Brooke’s Panteen shampoo.
Today, the furry little diva shines and shines as he struts down the stinky sidewalk. He’s the furry super model of Gramercy.
- Bruce and Ozzy
Comments (1) RSS - Posted on November 21, 2007
today Ozzy had diarrhea…
7:38 am, the alarm went off. Not the alarm clock. Ozzy’s stomach. He was polite about it. He didn’t bark his head off. He gave off a little whimper. “Hm, mmm. Hm, mmm.” If he had been barking, I’d have known he had just wanted attention, or maybe some breakfast treats. But when I heard this little morning whimper, I knew I was in trouble. I just thanked God, that it wasn’t winter.
At first, I pretended it wasn’t happening. But when he sounded off the soft little alarm twice, FIRE! I jumped up, threw my clothes on, (whatever was lying around), I put his leash on him, and ran down the hallway. I jumped on the elevator, (praying he didn’t explode right there) and I ran out the door.
Once we left the building is when the fun began. I ran him as fast as he could, dodging people, along the sidewalk. I literally dragged him to 26th street so he didn’t destroy Lexington Avenue on a Tuesday morning workday.
As an experienced dog person would know in situations like this, plastic poop bags just wouldn’t do, so I fortunately made it to the Village Voice Box (God Bless them) and took a stack. As soon as we turned that corner, here comes trouble. Ozzy assumed his position. I threw a newspaper under his butt like a place mat and what happened next isn’t fit for print.
After the Ozzy bomb on 26th street, and the bad looks and comments from the “happy” New Yorkers, he continued reading the Village Voice with his butt all around the block. An hour later or so, when his stomach calmed down, I looked him in his happy drooling face.
“No more chicken and broccoli for you.” But he gave me a little smirk. Like he was saying, “Yeah right Dad. Both of us know that’s not true.”
- Bruce and Ozzy
Comments (1) RSS - Posted on November 13, 2007
Every picture tells your doggie story…
This website would be a lot better if everybody would share their doggie / depression stories with other people who’ve experienced similar situations in life.
Before Ozzy entered my life, talking to other people who suffered from depression had helped me tremendously.
If you feel like sharing the good times and or some of your bad times, please e-mail your DOGGIE PHOTOS (jpgs please) and STORIES to bruceandozzy@gmail.com and we’ll post them right here.
I’m looking forward to meeting you guys.
- Bruce and Ozzy
Comments (0) RSS - Posted on November 10, 2007
Today Ozzy humped his bed…
This morning I was watching TV in the living room, when suddenly I heard “Woof! Woof! Woof! As much as I wanted to finish Regis and Kelly with my morning double espresso, Ozzy was barking so loud that the whole building was shaking. So I played daddy. I got off my ass and did what I had to do.
When I approached the bedroom I started laughing. I should’ve known better. There he was, the 110lb, eleven year old, puppy who saved my life, courting his red and tan flannel bed, his girlfriend, Betty the Bedspread 2. His ex was Betty the Bedspread. He tore her to shreds.
So there I was watching him from a distance. Peeking through the crack in the door. I didn’t want him to see me, because as sick as it was, it’s quite amusing. Especially if your friends are around. “Look at him, look at him go.”
So this is how Ozzy gets down. It’s a whole system. First he barks at his lover, till the bed responds back to him. Being that the bed is in fact just a bed, and sits there playing dead, Ozzy decides to hit it with his size giant paw, like a bear tapping a dad human. When the bed still doesn’t move, Ozzy kicks into Super Horn Dog mood. He gets behind the bed. He crumples it up into a ball. Wraps himself around the cushion with his strong doggie arms. Then he literally bites what appears to be the neck of the cushy bed and starts riding the plaid fabric till he completely exhausts himself, or until he gets bored with her and rather nosh on a milk bone.
Now here’s where it gets really entertaining. This morning I caught Ozzy in the act. I started yelling, “Ozzy no! No hump! No hump!” I startle him and he stops. He looked at me with that embarrassed look on his face, like a kid getting caught masturbating to Pamela Anderson or Marsha Brady. But then, the little exhibitionist looked up at me and says, “what the hell, go ahead watch me,” and he goes back to making sweet love to the flannel of his dreams.
To all of my doggie friends, I know you’ve all been there too. But what are you gonna do. Dogs are human too.
- Bruce and Ozzy
Comments (0) RSS - Posted on November 9, 2007
